Wednesday, April 20, 2011

rantings and progression

Ugh. I don't know what's been wrong with me. I have not been feeling good or like myself. I think my job is draining me. I'm not sure. I want to keep up with this so badly, I have so many great ideas and it's hard to stick to just one. I'm really happy to see supportive comments from people who understand. Weird thing is though, that... ugh, nevermind. I don't want to get into it right now. I think I just need some sleep.

Beat Silent Hill 2 with my fiancee and playing through RE4. I want to PS3 and a Wii so badly, but even worse is the ability to know how to code so I can start really making games. I just don't know. Saw Shutter Island last night. Terrible movie to say the least. Two hours of my life gone. However, I think I have a new favorite movie. Well my favorite movie of all time still being Ghostbusters, but... this one ranks high up there. You need to watch Ink. I can't even begin to describe it, but it's one of THE greatest movies of all time. Thank you netflix!

I need to figure out financial stuff and mental stuff. My fiancee is so supportive and understands what I'm going through, doesn't make it any easier, especially when I'm seeing things. Anyone else freaked out by mirrors? Hahaha... sigh. I should have some interesting stuff up by next week. In the mean time here's a poem.



Where the Fuck Was I

Where the fuck was I
When you were getting stoned
Off your glass
Teaching you the way to be
By how everyone else taught me
Now I bailed and left you to your jail

Where the fuck was I
When all the fighting was going on
Causing it trying to rescue you
Teaching you to be a man
When I’m the one who can barely stand
Showing you when things get tough
I get going

Where the fuck was I
When you started with the pills
To get over the things that make you ill
Getting robbed
Of the one thing that mattered
Now being left here to glue together the pieces

Where the fuck was I
Thinking I could be in Atmosphere
When not even reaching close to their sphere
Forgetting everything I held dear
When The razor was against the skin
When instead of seeing the good
I only saw the end
Letting myself get used
And leaving the pieces
For you to scavenge
Hoping this can work
When the truth is clear
To everyone but the one person who matters

Where the fuck was I
I shoulda been there
Where the fuck was I
Why wasn’t I there?
Where the fuck was I
Where the fuck was I?

 I just don't know right now... someone help? I hate sleep, but I need it, my body's crashing. Maybe tomorrow will be different. Maybe if I can hang in there for one more day...

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