Tuesday, April 26, 2011

A Collaboration

Woke up.... took the adderall... work today. I hate work. I just feel like I can't. I can't be a burden either. Need to get ready for school in the fall. Missed my Doctor's appointment. Need a psychologist too. I'm sitting on my balcony. At least it's day. At night I swear I see things from up here. Shadows and strange lights. What if there  is something dark here following me? I don't want to be insane. I need to check all this out tonight. I'll have pictures. My game and documentary needs to get made along with some stories. Adderall hasn't kicked in. SO my mind is everywhere. Am I the same person when I'm on it? If it's not real will I miss the delusions? At least no Pyramid head in my dreams. Worried about my fiancee...

These are a series of poems that were a collaboration between my fiancee and I... I need to get my head out of whatever fog it is and work on something new...

A dark hymn flows through the air
I glance to see if anyone else does hear
It's apparent the haunting tune plays solely in my mind
It's like the music in a movie that warns you that trouble is close behind
And yet as if welcoming it I blissfully do not hinder it's bind
For since my loss there is no equal worry
And oddly the melody comforts me

At the edge of insanity
Where only a small breeze would send me off completely
Somehow, something unseen
Is holding ever so gently
If only I knew what
Or who
Cared enough to save me

A hallway with locked doors
Would it even matter if I knew which one was yours
Even worse so there are many seperate floors
I know I have it in me to find what I came here looking for
I just prefer working beside you as it was before
Without you I keep finding myself with new sores
Funny how love only hurts when it's no longer yours
How I curse my mind's corridors
Isn't it ironic I find myself in such metaphors

How fickle time is and just like a flame
It dances and bellows it's just a shame
That change is it's game
And the problem with games is the rules never change
Yet we're a race constantly evolving
And learning new ways of cheating
Anything for a better chance of winning
We are continuously forsaking
No one ever asked us if we wanted to play
So of course we feel we deserve a say
But time is never ending and we have an expiration date
There in lies humanity's saving grace that it never gives into fate

Much like a powerful blow to the face
Reality is always there to hit you and remind of the constant paper chase
So why is it so wrong some people can find that saving grace
Or be jealous of those who have nothing but time to waste
Is it a surprise this society is based on addiction and making haste
We're not individuals we're just there to take the previous person's place
So when is it we get to set our own pace
How do people enjoy life when they don't get a break from this rat race

Walking amongst the mountains out west
Fearful of the magnitude that they possess
For if I lose my way if they ever find my body is anyone's guess
You would think this would amount to a lot of stress
But this is only true if a weak soul you possess
For the beauty and the spirituality that these peaks embody

While filling my soul with the works of Frost
I wonder at the cost
Of humanity's seperation from mother nature's theator
How long can our race survive living at odds with our creator
No matter how hard people try to convince themselves
Humanity forgetting who was always by it's side
Men beliving that they are free to commit matricide
Committing those who oppose their breathen's ideals
They too will be condemned in the end
For each species we endanger
We bring ourselves one step closer
To an epic disaster
That will end our rain of destruction
Caused by our own construction

Staring out the window on the passenger side
Focusing on the rain crashing down on the window pane
Watching beads of water gather and get stronger
Until the weight pulls them down in a quick stream of water
And just stops and goes back to being a small bead

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