Death Lake and an Update

There's an anxiety inside me. I had a great day today. Even though I crashed my bike hard on my way to work, I got the day off. However, I realized the freedom of being honest and open to who I am. I still have a lot to learn like how not to always be a people pleaser and not let work stress me out (am I the only who gets a general anxiety about going to work?). I had a great conversation with my fiancee and as everyday moves forward, I feel like I've been reborn in a way. The only issue that remains is that I still, well... that's a conversation for another time and place. To everyone I'm following sorry I haven't been up to date on everyone's blogs, that's a huge to do list and I am a fan of all the blogs I'm following so sincere apology to that. Promise I'll read through and comment more. I've just been dealing with mental things and financial stress (I'm behind on rent and am in a little bit of debt not too mention working all the time is draining me physically, mentally, and emotionally), along with the 50 or so projects I've been continuously working on. Strange thing is though, that there's something weird in the air of where I live. I might just be mental, but... The short version is where I live there's a lake nearby. There's a highway and before there was a wall and traffic lights, people would zoom done the highway and crash into the lake drunk. When the lake was dredged, a dozen cars with bodies where found. Now in the woods nearby there's an ominous feeling. I need to venture out and try to figure out what's going on there. I definitely know there's also a lot of Native American folklore surrounding this place. As a self proclaimed paranormal expert, I feel as though it's my duty to further explore this. That's another issue all together though. As for the creative side of this, again there's been weird issues with a good couple of things including missing art and word documents and adjustments I can't say I've made. Maybe I do need medication. I know adderall helps in certain ways and I need to consistently be on xanax... but I can't help but wonder if drugs like that... hide... certain things from normal perception. I need to figure this out because either I'm sane enough to know I'm crazy or I'm crazy enough to believe I'm sane. Either way. As for creative content I've got a story I'm going to post that I transferred from a journal I had. Copied it nearly word for word. Let me know what you think!

            I look at you and laugh. All the tears you weep. So many held back. All I can do is smirk as you live your day to day lives. Working your nine to five jobs. All of you so very judgmental of each other. I can feel the rage of your empty meaningless lives. Pretending to act so civilized and decent, that’s your most grand delusion. Each of you loving the thought you are intelligent creatures which nature chose to rule this infinitely miniscule planet. Each one of you is wrong though

            Nature didn’t choose you, I did.

            So corruptible. Why do you think children grow into you or people grow insane? Why do you think drugs and mental illness run rampant? Why do you believe you’re all so incapable of finding happiness and inner peace? It’s because your mindset and logic is flawed. Your reality does not truly exist. It’s truly a wonder how you vividly you argue, fight, and kill looking for explanations or defending your precious deities.

            Especially when there is only I.

            You were the easiest prey. That’s why I picked you. You allowed yourselves to find yourselves into my hands and continuously allow me access to those who would otherwise be weary. Your young, those you deem insane, incompetent, addicts, or even just those who are intelligent with an overactive imagination. They know the truth. It angers you. It infuriates you. It always has. Then again, anything that doesn’t fit into your outdated and man written holy texts or miraculous science that is based more off ignorance then knowledge, you despise and rally against.

            I live off it.

            You separate yourselves from animals. Which is fine since you are nothing more than a virus. Animals exist symbolically with each other and nature. They know and fear me. Unlike your “advanced” minds they cannot be corrupted. Just like children.

            They disgust me.

            That’s why I needed you. You do the hard part. You separated yourselves from nature. You corrupt your own young. Imagine that, a species that helps in the destruction of its own young! You’re doing so much better than I could have EVER hoped. However, you’re not done yet. Those with the perfect vision who fight against me, or worse, see me, must be destroyed. Animals, children, those you deem with mental illness, those who are kind and loving, those with a vivid imagination, any of those your societies would deem outcasts or incompetent (if not incapable) of caring for themselves. Corrupt them and add them to your numbers, or destroy them. I care not which you choose. Remember good things happen to bad people for a reason.

            It’s because of me.

            The more you greedy, close minded, judgmental, egotistical, abusive, arrogant viruses destroy and corrupt the good, the more rewards you will have this life. The more I can punish what you hate and makes you sick. Why would I choose to assist you? Simple.

            I all ready feast on your souls with my minions

            I cannot feast on the pure.

            Their souls will survive.

            I want solitude

            Darkness.

            Hate.

            Fear.

            And you all are doing a damn good job for your master.